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When I consider motherhood, I am struck by how diverse it is. However, there are three points that I’ve been thinking about recently. The first is the basic notion of motherhood; the second is the act of Mothering, and the third is the concept of being Mothered. What impact do these concepts have on us as mothers?
Being mother is picking the perfect baby name for your baby boy or baby girl, that will be with them for the rest of their life.
Being a mother is knowing and understanding that you have the mommy brain, according to Katherine Ellison “The Mommy Brain” usually refers to a head full of feeding times, soccer schedules, and nursery rhymes, at the expense of creative or challenging ideas. But recent scientific research paints a dramatically different and far rosier picture.
When you cross the threshold into motherhood, there is this profound unspoken understanding. There is no “correct” way to begin motherhood, and it certainly does not come with a manual. We stumble, cry, fall, and succeed as mothers. We are frequently harsher on ourselves than we are on others. We often find ourselves comparing and condemning other women as they embark on the life-long journey that is motherhood. We all want to connect with someone who understands the joys and sorrows of parenthood at some time during our parenting experience.
We make that connection at times, but we can feel alone on the path at other times. We may let our age, parenting style, education, economic background, and other distinctions keep us from forming meaningful friendships with other women. What keeps us from telling another mother, “I see you, and I’m so proud of you,” or “What do you need?” What do you think it’s like to be recognized by other mothers? I’ve been on both sides of this equation, and I always feel better in my spirit when I’m projecting the love and support I want. For myself or anyone else, tearing down another mother is not satisfying. As mothers, I feel it is our responsibility to support one another. We all made it here, no matter how different our roads to motherhood were, and we all needed support from each other.
There are many qualities we connect with Mother, but the idea of nurturing or loving is often at the top of the list. Mother is also seen as fearless, strong, and resilient by many of us. All of which are undeniably accurate and change from time to time. When it comes to our children, there are moments when we are strong to the point of being harsh, when we could be a little more sensitive. There are also times when we are overly nurturing and fail to strike a balance between being firm and being nurturing. I’m constantly rethinking how I chose to raise my children. It’s all too easy to fall into a pattern of learned parental behavior.
Learned parenting behavior is a parenting style that is passed down from generation to generation and might appear unintentionally. Of course, not all previous parenting conduct was harmful, but some guidelines are no longer relevant for the generation with which we are currently dealing. I think about how I teach and punish my children during my meditation time, and I ask myself, “Is this technique compatible, and does this way support our family dynamic?” We do well on some days and not so well on others. The beauty of motherhood is that you have the authority and the right to change the way you raise your children. Forcing a mothering/parenting style that isn’t compatible is a huge mistake. As mothers, it is our responsibility to research ourselves and our children and execute the strategy that allows everyone to win.
In addition, we must remember to mother ourselves as we mother our children. What are our strategies for honoring our inner child? What do we do to take care of ourselves? Our souls crave to be mothered when we experience the untimely loss or separation from our mothers who gave birth to us. That can take the form of another woman providing us with the nurturing we need. We may also gain this attention in how we present ourselves to others by engaging in activities that nourish our spirits.
Because we all come from a mother, we all have a connection to motherhood. Let’s be more deliberate about how we interact with other women, ourselves, and our children.